BobbiRose Writing - Blog Series

Managers - wake up! Toxic people in the work environment are hurting your business.

Sun, 25 May 2025 22:53:24 GMT

Managers - wake up! Toxic people in the work environment are hurting your business.

So recently, while reflecting on a professional event, it dawned on me that there are so many people I come in contact with who are just plain negative. It amazes me how often workplace negativity is tolerated on such a widespread level that people can be unkind to one another, their clients, and even those they report to. In a professional world that leverages performance metrics for compensation, where almost every service or resource we consume is determined on some level by customer choice, how are we tolerating such toxicity that can erode the productivity of our workforce and the output of our businesses? I can’t imagine that organizations are not setting standards for person-to-person interaction or how we expect leadership and staff to engage with one another. This expectation for interaction at some level exists because each person with a role within the organization is being trusted to contribute to the business and, at the very least, be a representative of the organization in some way. Looking around at how some of these interactions occur is truly scary, especially in how people on the payroll conduct themselves and how people paying for services are experiencing the services. I think back to the business professors and nursing faculty I have studied under, and I shudder at what they would say. This flies in the face of all that is acceptable in a professional environment. What is happening?

Are leaders asleep at the wheel? If some of these relationships were personal relationships, they would easily be considered abusive. We spend so much time teaching children, patients, and families about healthy relationships, recognizing abuse, and setting safe boundaries, all the while we are allowing catastrophic destruction in the workplace. When did it become acceptable that one person is so valuable that their behavior can violate the healthy work environment of an entire office? Who decides that one person's mood determines the tone of an office? What job description includes a disclaimer that warns of the need to avoid coworkers who may be subject to rude or unprofessional behavior? Is the new trending job skill “works well in tense or hostile work environments”?

What are the consequences of ignoring this? We see quality decline, the erosion of standardization, and poor morale. So, what’s the reason that we allow these things to happen? Are we ill-equipped to properly vet during hiring? Is it because our managers aren’t prepared to deal with hard conversations? Is it because society is so litigious that we don’t have the resources to approach these conversations in a way that doesn’t end up in a courtroom, or are we afraid to? Is it because we need staff so desperately that we allow mediocre or unprofessional behavior to continue simply so we can continue operating? Is this fair to the people who do the job and come to work every day, putting their personal issues, stresses, or concerns outside of the job aside and still perform? Is it fair to them that we allow these other people to make the work environment uncomfortable, and change how they feel in their surroundings to accommodate the small number of people allowed to carry on in an unprofessional way, or even below standard? The answer is a resounding no. This is unacceptable and unfair.

So whose fault is this? Is it the managers who don’t align organizational values with the performance of these individual employees? Is it the staff or the peers who don’t speak up and talk about how uncomfortable it makes them, so this behavior becomes normalized? Is it HR that protects the organization in response to complaints? Or is all the ownership solely on the employee acting this way? I’d argue that it’s a combination of all this, perpetuated by the overarching demand for output at all levels, with pressures of limited resources. As mentioned, if this were outside of a professional workspace, these relationships would be considered abusive.

Similar to sexual harassment training, there is a responsibility on the person experiencing this situation to make it clear that it’s unwelcome, unprofessional, and problematic. It is the responsibility of the misbehaving person to act accordingly and adjust. Finally, leadership is responsible for holding offenders accountable when they’re not meeting the standard and ensuring safe, productive workplace environments for staff and clients.

At an event recently, I heard a leader say something about addressing unacceptable behavior in the workplace. The comment was fascinating in suggesting that there may have been a need to address increases in reports of unprofessional or inappropriate behavior in the workplace. Even more surprising was that the context and the group this addressed were not a group of professionals that one would expect to see these behaviors. At some level, it saddened me, no, disappointed me, that every level of experience and education seems to have lost the value in professional acumen. If that was not enough, the challenge was that the obstacle worsened with the time it took for people to communicate the need to address these issues to come forward.

This message relayed to me more about the organizational culture problem than the problem with any individual. A culture that tolerates unprofessional behavior, fails to respond appropriately to reports, or protects those who commit these instances will fall short in encouraging individuals to feel empowered to come forward when there is a problem. People in the workplace affected by this behavior will continue to be subjected to hostility, leave, or perform poorly under these conditions due to broken trust in a system they believe will not protect them from unprofessional behavior.

Managers and leaders - wake up. Safe work environments, empowerment, and professionalism are not talking points - they are minimum modelable standards. You are just as responsible for the damage if you hide toxic behavior in your workplace.

Meaningful Without Being Mean

Sat, 10 May 2025 23:13:19 GMT

Kindness is not, and does not, have to be mistaken for weakness. We can be meaningful without being mean.

Oftentimes growing up it was common to hear elders cautioning, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". While this was aimed at teaching young children social aptitude and manners, it is a valuable lesson for professional life and leadership. If you can't be kind, please be quiet. It isn't just a request to preserve the person who may be the receiver of unkind words or tone; it is also to save those in the surrounding environment who can be affected by these interactions. Just like the young children being taught to keep their "not nice" comments to themselves when we were young, consider the awkwardness, hostile work environments, and employee turnover issues we could mitigate by teaching professionals to manage their mouths?

So does this mean we must muzzle our leaders, create workplace environments where feedback is dishonest, or remain silent on critical issues? Not at all. This means that we, as leaders, mentors, educators, and professionals, must live by our goals and be clear in our modeling. Suppose the organizations we work for support harsh criticism or disregard how people receive feedback. In that case, we may continue to chastize in public spaces, ridicule performance shortcomings with no support plan, and tolerate bullying as part of the culture. When we bring new team members into our organizations, we can expect that they, too, will learn and embrace the harshness of this technique demonstrating the same treatment to their peers, stakeholders, and clients. What are we expecting to gain from this other than unsatisfied staff, turnover, low-quality outputs, and low morale? We can't bully people into change or improvement.

On the other hand, if our goal is to empower learning and provide feedback towards progress, we can give criticism constructively. Our training programs, consistent leadership, and dedication to development can support continuous learning. Criticism must have a point or is, therefore, pointless. What good is it to tell someone they are disappointing or failing without a plan? That they performed terribly without hope of doing better? That they are too slow, incompetent, or can't do something correctly? You may have made them aware and communicated your dissatisfaction and frustration, but what is the plan? Who was responsible for teaching them in the first place? What was the plan to meet and support competency goals during the learning process? Did they fail, or did we fail them?

Addressing someone needing feedback means more than telling them they are awful at something. If we aren't meeting them to understand why they are not performing, what barriers may exist, how their performance pathway became derailed, and consider their input towards planning, we are simply being unkind. We are accountable for the success of those we lead, as are those we are leading, also for our own.

Criticism without contribution is simply an "FYI" with little meaningful help and most often just mean. If the intent is to support, provide that. If it is to be meaningful, share the meaning. The "kindness" doesn't come from being caring, gentle, or "sugarcoating" the message - it comes from providing useful information from which someone can make a change. As a leader, trainer, educator, or peer the next time you think about telling someone they suck at something, unless you have something to contribute to help them not suck -

...if you can't be kind, please be quiet.

Just a Few of My Favorite Things

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 23:53:13 GMT

"What is your favorite part of being a nurse?"

Someone new to healthcare asked me today - "what is your favorite part of being a nurse?" It didn't dawn on me until I was thinking about her question a little bit later in the day, but when I thought about the answer to her question, I was surprised that I had not thought about the many difficult times I had encountered as a nurse. The times when I was so tired I wanted to cry, when I could feel the sleep winning, and my skin felt like it was already puffy and oily from actually being asleep when, in fact, I was just dirty from the day's work. The times when I was dizzy from not eating or tearing up because I had held my pee so long may have started to affect my thinking, and peeing my pants as a grown person may have been real. I didn't think of the times that the smells of the rooms or hallways seemed to follow me home or the weight of my patients' pain added to the ache in my own back. What immediately came to mind was the pride I felt to be a nurse and to have had the opportunity to have had any impact on one student, new nurse, patient, or family member I had come in contact with. I knew that my answer had to be "education."

My colleague chuckled and said, "Of course you would say that." I had to share my story of the journey that brought me where I am and why education is not only precisely what I would say but also beautifully ironic. Taking the time to explain, demonstrate, show someone, or learn together can communicate care on such a personal level and, at the same time, empower.

As a teenager graduating from high school, I wanted to be an educator. I left high school and entered a four-year program at a private college recognized for educational degree programs. I selected a dual major in special and elementary education. As part of my volunteer and part-time work activities, I took on a job providing support for a young child with autism who needed high-level support at his aftercare program to participate, given his special needs. I learned quickly that being a special education teacher or support person takes very special people with lots of skill and patience. Sadly, I did not think I was one of those people, so I changed my major. Still convinced that education was my path, I tried student teaching for secondary education. Strike two - decided teenagers were also not for me.

I finally found myself in the school of business and did well. I completed my Bachelor's and later went on to complete my MBA. My education provided me with career opportunities in various sales fields and healthcare administration. I fell in love with the operations of the healthcare industry and was amazed at how much opportunity for change and improvement there was. I loved the voluminous amounts of data that existed for almost anything I wanted to know or be able to explain. The challenge was the crossroads of the clinical and administration roles. As I was excited and ambitious to come to the table from the perspective of my business background to solve clinical problems, that was less warmly welcomed by clinical staff who were often resistant to hearing clinical solutions from a non-clinical person. In hindsight, I wish the younger me knew more about interprofessional teams and collaboration. Nevertheless, I wanted to know about clinical operations, so I went to nursing school.

Nursing school was hard. Yes, an understatement. However, I developed a value for clinical work from a unique perspective of knowing other parts of the healthcare industry. That experience made the whole healthcare world seem to make sense. I connected the patient to the budget and quality metrics and back around again. I understood why the colors of signs and the costs of printing them in color were less critical to clinical staff trying to keep patients and colleagues safe than they may have been to the accounting departments. It was fantastic to answer questions and bridge gaps between so many people from that vantage point. As I moved on to get my BSN and evolved my nursing practice to understand the importance of education and research, it was like a lightbulb that went off. Nurses are always teaching...everyone.

I tell that story because I see it in every encounter since that great revelation that nursing is bursting with education and opportunity. The irony in the passion I have discovered in nursing education has come full circle from the field of study I shied away from as a younger person. In replying to the person who asked me today, "What is your favorite thing about being a nurse?" I love educating as a nurse. I love being part of the interaction that contributes to:

A patient gaining an understanding of their condition.

A victim realizing that they have a right to be safe.

A child is calmed from some interaction to learn about what they expect during their visit.

A new nurse is excited about finding confidence in a new skill.

A family coming together to support one another through a loss, understanding the grieving process.

A nursing student realizes that nursing career options are endless.

A peer nurse learning that self-care is not selfish.

Patients feel at ease knowing it may not be okay, but they are still in control.

And while I could go on and on...I walked away from her question, feeling that despite those hard days of clinical and professional challenges...When she asked, I was humbled and lucky that these proud thoughts flooded my mind.

What Does It Mean To Persevere?

bobbi@bobbirosechilders.com (Ellerina Trifiletti) — Tue, 25 Feb 2025 02:20:48 GMT

A lesson in making the choice to choose yourself.

It was like Groundhog Day. Each day, returning to the school building, I thought, "How will I do this?" I am unsure what was more challenging, hearing the students' frustrations or feeling suffocated by the limitations, preventing many challenges in addressing many things. Every one of them came through the doors daily with their struggles, lives that carried difficulties, and their motivations for showing up every day. The hardest part of the work was hearing what was being said but unable to listen with any hope of helping. I leaned in on what I knew best: the nursing profession.

I knew there was no way I could single-handedly make the change that those students needed to see, but I could try to show them that I understood. If I couldn't tell them what I so desperately wanted to say to help them advocate for themselves, I could contribute to building them up and not allowing forces they could not control to determine their futures. As they continued to express their challenges and share their frustration with practices affecting their learning, I couldn't simply say, "Yes, I know that this school is failing you, and there is so much wrong." I couldn't tell them about the hills I was continually massacred on in their interest. Despite the rumblings among students and growing tensions from all of these instances, I couldn't turn away from trying to demonstrate the profession's promise if embraced with respect and reverence.

One day, I had an idea. I introduced the concept of empathy and perseverance. I walked into the classroom full of disgruntled and exhausted students to change the atmosphere. In my back pocket was this piece of paper I had written "perseverance" on with a random dry-erase marker. On a small corner of the whiteboard, I had already written discretely the definition of perseverance. As the class struggled to settle, encouraging them to gather their attention to the front of the room, I could hear the "huffs and puffs" from the crowd in the presumption of another painstaking announcement or notice. Instead, I instructed them to each take out a piece of paper and write down all the things that get in their way each day, making them not want to come to class or make them want to give up. Of course, students uncomfortable sharing were told to think of these things simply; no student would be asked to share what they thought of or write down, and the paper would be theirs to keep.

As the students were getting ready to begin the prompt, I shared that my "paper" would be the whiteboard, and as they wrote, I would write too. They began to write, and so did I. My list read: death of a loved one, single-parent home, childhood poverty, car accident, loss of job, teenage suicide attempt, sexual assault, domestic violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, family court, divorce, and chronic illness...among others. As I realized some students had finished and had started to read my list, I turned around and said, "I think that is probably enough." I shared with the students that every day when we all, myself included, walk through the doors of the building, we all come with our "list." We are all living the human experience, all on a journey at different times and places on that road.

I challenged them to think about how they can gift themselves taking advantage of their education for the time they are there. I pulled my actual paper out of my pocket. I demonstrated folding it up, asking them to join me, and symbolically putting those items on pause while we were all together so they could engage with their learning and persevere in the classroom to reach their graduation goal. I called their attention to the definition on the board and asked if anyone knew what this was. Inevitably, someone always knew. The final act in the activity was to have them write "persevere" on their paper and put it away, just for the moment. The class wrapped up with the Cleveland Clinic video "Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care." Many students find this video very emotional. Some cry, some find their connection to nursing, and some ask to leave the room midway. But the footage connects them to the need for compassion.

The student's struggles and frustrations did not change that day. What changed was how that group of students saw their ability to interact within their world as active participants where they could exercise choice and control. Welcome to the profession for those students who persevered and continued doing what was difficult in the face of difficulty or opposition. Perseverance is not always visible.

After that day, I returned to the building, thinking, "How will I do this?"

Time to Make Time

bobbi@bobbirosechilders.com (Ellerina Trifiletti) — Sun, 29 Sep 2024 13:25:55 GMT

Advice is easy to give but hard to take!

How many hours are in your day? 8, 16, 24? Truth is that each day is really 24 hours but what does that mean? How we manage those hours and how many of them are truly functional is a real conversation. How many of us really have enough time in the day to complete all of the demands we face each day let alone the time to take a few minutes to reflect on how we use that time or if it is an effective use?

It is not uncommon for me to get random text messages from my teenage children throughout the day with their "crisis of the moment". My older child has started to taper with her transition into adulthood after graduating high school but my high school child continues to navigate teenage years in a way, lets say, differently than I would have when I was a teenager. Sure, this is a much different generation and navigation has changed. Our human GPS has different programming, we are using much more intricate software and the roads are new and sometimes uncharted. Surprisingly, one of the text messages I received in the middle of my own crammed day served a much deeper purpose recently.

Usually, I myself am juggling irregular work schedule across several roles, the demands of managing a family including children, spouse and elder parent. Needless to say, the "pop-up" S.O.S. from a child during the day that needs triage can be added stress while maintaining duty to clients, respecting work environments and maintaining professional practice. Luckily, despite the "OMG, MOM - I only have $10 on my lunch balance" vibrating my phone in my pocket feeling like a crisis to my child; we have established that a true crisis would likely be one that ended with me being located at work and pulled away. You know, major accident, illness or injury - not lunch money. This has worked.

During a period of downtime, after feeling that familiar "pocket buzz", I opened my text messages and read a short message from my son. "Hey, mom, I am so proud of you for writing your story. Can you share your book stuff with me so that I can use it for a project in my English class?"

My whole day paused. I had a rush of emotion for all of the times that may have been hard, thinking about how I have spent so much time so often rushing through my days and often forget about doing what I suggest to others is so important. Learn to say no and take important time for important things.

Was I suggesting to say no to my son's request? Not at all. On the contrary, I felt I had reached a moment I longed for in hearing my children express pride in their mom - a life goal. At the same time, I had this terrifying realization that my failure to "say no" professionally, to overextend myself, and to grant way too much uncompensated access to myself cost me valuable time. I had to tell my son that the book he wanted to share and use for his project wasn't completed.

Earlier this year I began a work about the importance of valuing time. The premise of the work is making decisions about our time is acceptable despite how others may perceive our choices; a declination can really be a positive contribution to one's opportunity to use time in alternative ways. The irony that I was not able to share this work in finished form with my son, or others for that matter, was my indication that I needed to take my own advice.
It's time to make time!

Teach Nurses to Fish

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 23:41:22 GMT

Do we want our nurses to simply get by, manage crisis by crisis, or be prepared for the field?

You may have heard some version or another of the proverb about teaching a man to fish. It goes something like this..."if you give a man to fish he will eat for one day, if you teach him to fish he will feed himself his whole life." The genesis of this proverb has been debated by many authors, writers and quote searchers for some time. The point of the proverb is that when we provide a person the immediate justification without the work or tools to acquire the final product they either do not appreciate or know how to acquire that product on their own again when it is needed in the future. Essentially, the individual is not self-reliant or independent. In the context of nurses, teaching nurses to fish is a matter of competency and empowerment with the tools necessary to function within the expectations of their roles.

Let us consider for a moment that our nurses are our novice fishermen (this is not gender sensitive but in sticking with the language of the proverb I am using the same word) and the act of fishing is providing safe patient care. What happens to our novice nurses, and our patients if we hand over the fish without effectively teaching the novice nurses how to fish? On the surface, we use the achievement of a degree and licensure as a metric as the equivalent to their lesson in fishing. We push novice nurses into the field out of graduation expecting that they should know what to do - they are licensed or registered nurses after all - right?

A content analysis of current literature related to new grads and competence was done using a semantic software analysis (Leximancer) to scan over 3,200 international studies to identify relationships in the language of the texts for competency issues as it related to new graduates. Overall, the conclusions that could be drawn from the research included that "regularly revising standardised nursing education for entry-level practice and nursing graduates is essential. This, in turn, reflects the demand for cultural and healthcare informatics technology competency in the current healthcare environment. This analysis has also raised important questions about competency assessment. Although self-assessment is common for evaluating new graduate nurses’ competency levels, further research should investigate and develop assessment methods to measure multiple aspects of nursing competence throughout education and practice" (Hyun, et al. 2022).

The work of nursing requires continuous education as medical technology changes rapidly, associated policies and procedures change to meet those demands and patient conditions and associated therapies change with them just as rapidly. The American Nurse Association outlines that as a nurse, per the Code of Ethics nurses are expected to "in all roles and settings, advance the profession through research and scholarly inquiry, professional standards development, and the generation of both nursing and health policy" all while maintaining the other 8 provisions of the Code of Ethics in areas such as delivery of quality patient care, advocacy and maintaining the integrity of the profession ( Ethics, 2018).

Part of what makes fishing so challenging in nursing is that we are in an age of using technology far beyond a hook tied to a string and wrapped around a stick to catch fish. We have technologies that can predict when the fish will be coming upstream, what type of fish and know what type of device works best to catch them with. So why are we sending our novice nurses out with stick and stones to try to catch fish? Do we measure skill competency by memorization of facts and passing the boards? Is that enough? Are the skills and labs reflective of the current hospital, outpatient, and lab settings where our nurses will practice?

Kavanagh and Sharpnack explain that "new data suggest that we are continuing to lose ground in the preparedness of New Graduate Registered Nurses (NGRNs) at a time when it is needed most. Initial competency of NGRNs is declining at an alarming rate, slightly exacerbated by the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic as many traditional in-person clinical and classroom experiences have been adapted or abbreviated" (Kavanagh, et al. 2021). This call to action to our nursing educators, preceptors, recruiters, and curriculum administrators could not be more resounding. At a time where the need for skilled, speciality, and prepared nurses in numbers is on the rise and nurse retirements are expected to continue the nurses coming in to the field need to be not only content prepared but application prepared.

Many of our nurses face ethical challenges that burn them out on a daily basis when faced with their obligation to licensure and practice acts but also are run thin when facing staffing and workforce environments that are not conducive to productivity. Introducing nurses to the workforce that have not been prepared for the fast-paced, high-tech demands of the field adds an additional layer on the current "fisherman" who are seeking to hand over the responsibility of steering the ship to the next generation. If our experienced nurses are working with sonar, large fishing boats, and navigation lighting, it seems to be bad form to send a novice nurse out into the field in the dark on a paddle boat with a worm on a hook.

Hyun, A., Tower, M., & Turner, C. (2022, June 9). The current contexts of newly graduated nurses’ competence: A content analysis. Healthcare (Basel, Switzerland). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9222227/

Kavanagh, J.M., Sharpnack, P.A., (January 31, 2021) "Crisis in Competency: A Defining Moment in Nursing Education" OJIN: The Online Journal of Issues in NursingVol. 26, No. 1, Manuscript 2.

Taking Charge of Your Credentials

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 22:21:10 GMT

January 15, 2024|#ATFTS, Finding Peace

How often have you felt trapped in life? In a relationship whether it be work, personal life or in a circumstance? Coming from trauma or self-doubt this can be toxic in a way that is so self-limiting that we sometimes are blinded by the potential we really all have.

When we forget as individuals that we truly have the power of self-control and choice we loose all opportunity for personal betterment and the keys to opening doors to peace and personal happiness are pushed farther from reach. Allowing people to cloud this knowledge hinders each of us in this pursuit. Every choice, even the choice to refrain from choosing IS a choice, doing nothing IS a choice.

Think for a second about your credentials. Many of us hear those words and think immediately of education or resumes. But, expand that thought - expand this to encompass all that you are qualified to do. What are your skills, qualifications and what are you damn good at? Experience and life skills sometimes isn't valued as much as it should be so much so that educational institutions are popping up all over that are starting to offer credit equivalence for these things. There is a revolution of the recognition that this expertise can't be taught in a classroom or seminar. Own that sh*t!

Constraints of expenses, schedules and social norms force many of us to follow pathways that sometimes lead us down roads that when we finally get to the end, realize the goal isn't what we thought we were hoping for. So why do we stay? Why do we stay in relationships we aren't happy in? Jobs we dislike? Work life balance's that aren't making us happy? Towns we don't find fulfillment in? Living conditions that we aren't satisfied with? Consider for a moment that you aren't taking charge of your credentials.

Did anyone ever say you couldn't create a schedule that you couldn't be happy with? Did anyone say that education ended at a certain point in life?

Questions that you had at one point in life surely someone else has had. New professionals into your field may have questions about your field. New moms may have questions that you have mastered now as a pro-mom. Think of all the things that you can do with your eyes closed, hands tied behind your back or with full hands, coffee cup, handbag, laptop, and wearing high-heels, scrubs, business suit and walking in a snow storm. Someone else somewhere is still trying to figure this out. Can you leverage what you know and make a living sharing those skills?

Progress from pain. How many of us have spent moments in life thinking we would never persevere through our traumas and tragedies? Yet, we made it through? How much of that pain pushes us today and reminds us how much we CAN do? Think of what our scars remind us about our strengths and the lessons we have learned that have made us BETTER. This credential makes you great and could provide an opportunity to a different career, lifestyle, line of work or even a side-gig that not only benefits you but helps someone else push ahead.

We are all made up of not just our education and our "paperwork" but everything that has made us who we are today. Never settle for a life or circumstance that doesn't make you as happy as you deserve to be. Put ALL of your credentials to work - your years of perseverance through trauma, hours of sleepless nights of crying babies, decades of mastering how to study to get those degrees, learning your industry, becoming top of the game on how to play the game. Take charge of your credentials and design the life you want. Always Time for That Sh*t! #ATFTS.

Work Toxicity and Your Time

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 22:21:08 GMT

April 5, 2024|#NTFTS

When I started out thinking about the concept for NTFTS (No Time For That Sh*T) as a book, I never thought it would be as far-reaching as it has. What started out as thinking about the little things that can compound and get in the way of success everyday or the unplanned chaos that can throw a day off has spiraled into conversations and awareness that I never imagined. This week's topic that I literally have NO TIME FOR - Work-related toxicity.

As I speak to people about the things that they would love to just push out of their day and that they consider a complete waste of time; it amazes me how many people talk about work. The word itself; "work", by definition would lend one to fairly assume that when one is performing an act of work that it would, or at least SHOULD be, well, productive? In so many cases, I have had conversations with peers, family, friends and colleagues both above and below my level of education and status who report wasted time, effort and interest in their daily work for some reason or another. How many times do we hear about "dreading Monday", "hump day" and "TGIF"? But has anyone really stopped to think is it merely the idea of having to work that is so dreadful or is it something else?

Likely, any one of us who is dreading Monday or the start of a shift, knows exactly what we are dreading. Is it a specific person's attitude? Understaffed departments? Harassment? Poor working conditions? Lack of leadership, support, coaching or are we being micromanaged? Is the company disorganized or are there no platforms for change and idea sharing? Is nepotism and favoritism allowed? Is inequity ignored or tolerated? Are there passive aggressive co-workers in the department, or worse, bullies in leadership roles? Is pay fair, enough, transparent? Are job roles clear and expectations reasonable?

Coming from a person who would stay late and come in early, leaving only when the job was done, its easy to see how employees with solid work ethics are easily burnt out or stretched thin in these types of environments. I would trick myself in believing that if I stayed late catching up on the day's work I wouldn't get behind tomorrow. In reality, whatever could not be completed in that day becomes the next day's work. An 8-hour workday or 12-hour workday is still and 8- or 12-hour workday and can only cover what can be fit in it. Staying at work late to finish doesn't magically mean that you "got it all done in one day". What it does mean is that you chose to sacrifice your sacred personal time, self-care time or time that you could be investing in other things for personal or professional development.

Toxic work environments are those that overtly or covertly commend extra hours, added assignments and ignore the workloads of their staff. These toxic situations do not allow for free exchange of ideas and stifle progressive discussion when there are concerns. Toxicity breeds poor productivity, less satisfied staff and generally carries over to end outcomes (customer satisfaction or end product). Turnover is generally high and training is generally unstandardized and mismanaged. When monitored over time, similar to a poison (or toxin), those that enter these environments come in healthy and slowly become "ill", demonstrating the signs and symptoms of the plague of the toxicity in the environment.

So what does toxicity in the workplace have to do with your time? Well, your time can be controlled and compartmentalized in correlation to what makes you happy. Whether salaried or hourly, most employers, contracts and labor terms include definitions of the work day/week. Become familiar with these and the expectations of your role. It is possible to be an exemplary employee and exceed expectations within the hours of the workday . Once you know these expectations, start to say #NTFTS. Well, professionally, no. If you don't have time for that sh*t, simply professionally decline and commit to using your time for the things that make you happy. Here is how I have managed some of the sh*t I have been asked and committed to cleanse the toxins in my own workplace (and personal life!):

Question: "Could you get that report to me by end of day? (I leave at 4pm and its 3:30pm, report would take about 2 hours)

Thought in my head: "I have NO time for that SH*T"

Response: "I can have that report completed by 10am tomorrow."

Question: "I'm going to need you to meet with customers from the northern region and let them know that their accounts will be changing to explain terms."

Thought in my head: "This is NOT my role and I have NO time for that SHI*T".

Response: "I would be willing to help facilitate getting this done. Since this is not my area of expertise, how can I assist in connecting the northern customers with the right person to explain this information to them?"

Question: "We are down a representative today, could work later or stay a second shift?"

Thought in my head: "I have ABSOLUTELY NO TIME FOR THAT SH*T".

Response: "I am sorry to hear that the department is not adequately staffed. I have another commitment and am unable to stay.

Your time is your way of maintaining control of your boundaries. Toxicity in the workplace can absorb time, well-being and productivity. By making decisions about what actual time you will spend both at the workplace and on certain tasks you are able to maintain control of the levels of toxicity to some degree. If you don't have time for something, say so. If you don't have time for a task in the sense that your values or responsibility does not align with that ask, find a way to communicate that you don't have time for that sh*t because you have your actual job to do within the time you have to do it! Fitting this in simply is not possible.

(* Disclaimer - Bobbi Rose is not a labor lawyer nor does she provide labor or workplace legal advice. Should you have questions about your legal workplace rights, roles or responsibilities or laws governing your workplace please seek professional legal counsel.)